Trans Youth Stories
Coming
to terms with who I am is probably the most important step I have ever
made. For years I hated myself and couldn't even look at myself in a
mirror. Nobody else could understand what I was going
through! I self-harmed regularly and attempted suicide a couple of
times.
This seemed to be the only solution to ease my pain. It wasn't of
course.
I suppose I was in a kind of denial about myself. A bit like an
alcoholic
denying they have a drink problem. For some time I refused to listen to
those able to help, I new best. Trouble was I didn't. Adults were
only there to give me grief and talk down to me! Of course they
weren't,
but I was only 16 at the time and new it all. Why should I listen to
them! Adults
were the enemy!! I really wish I had said something, explained my
feelings. I guess I expected everyone to be a mind reader. It was after
my last suicide attempt that things started
to change and me in particular. I saw how it affected my mum & dad
and realised how much they cared and loved me. I had to see a psych,
which I
really objected to, and at first I just ignored him and what he was
saying but
then some of what he said seemed to get through and make sense. He
really got through to me and
it was only then that I realised how obnoxious I had been to everyone,
my
family and those trying to help me. I had no real friends because I
didn't
want anyone to know who I was. He made me see I was a person and normal
and that I had nothing to be ashamed of. I began to discover who I
really
was and to like myself. I've been on hormones for a year now and attend
college. OK, it's not been a smooth ride but it's not been that bad
either.
I have friends now, some trans some not, and I get out and am learning
to live
life. - Ellie, 19
The looks I
get from everyone I walk by.
The looks I get from customers when they come up to my counter to place
an
order. The looks from total strangers. Can they tell? Why are they
looking at
me? I ask myself. I later think to myself that this is only a stage in
my young
life, and that in a year or more I will be looking much like the girl I
already
am.
This in the middle is
a condition that
is/was brought on by hormone replacement therapy. Right now I do not
look like
either gender. If I put on some make up I am seen as a girl. If I let
any hair
on my face grow out for electrolysis I am seen as a guy. Now compound
that with
having to work the two days before electrolysis, and the days after. I
work
with the public, so I can imagine what those people think if they see me
after
electrolysis, and before electrolysis in the same week. I am in the
middle.
I hate being in the
middle. Being in the
middle is more painful then when I was awaiting hormone replacement
therapy, at
least at that point I had a sex people could see me as. Now it was the
wrong
sex, but I did not get the odd looks. I have to remind myself that this
is just
a part of the path to get to where I want to be in my life, the girl I
always
have been.
Now I can argue with
my hatred for being
in the middle because the hormone replacement therapy has lifted my life
long
depression. I am a happy little girl. Things are going good in my life
right
now, just this one thing, being in the middle is clouding it up. I would
like
to tell people who are considering hormone replacement therapy to be
ready for
the middle. The middle does creep up on you, and you do not know you are
in the
middle until something slaps you in the face.
The middle is both
painful and joyful.
The middle can be a time of turmoil and happiness. I seem to have both. I
can
say I will learn a lot from being in the middle. Just because I have a
great
dislike for the middle does not mean that someone could have a great
liking of
the middle.
I
would provide a coming out story, but there really
isn't anything dramatic or climactic- lots of crying and struggling. I
was
scared I would have to choose between transitioning and keeping my
girlfriend
(who is a big old dyke and I love her for it). Luckily, she is accepting
of my
need to be a boy. Isn't she great? So yeah, gaining her acceptance was
the
hardest part for me mentally. Telling my parents was rough- I didn't
think my
dad would take it as well as he did and I thought my mum would take it
better
than she did- but overall it was a pretty good turnout. After telling my
parents, I told a few friends, who all accepted me. I am keeping a low
profile
here at school because my transitioning has nothing to do with my
education,
and I don't want to make a scene or draw unnecessary attention. As soon
as I
get that degree though- JOHN TAKES OVER!!!! I can't wait. I hope in the
meantime,
while I am waiting for my opportunity to blossom, I can help others
reach their
potential. Best of luck in the future, take care. - Josie, 18
Hi! I'm a 19 year old
pre-op ftm (female to male) transgendered teen. I have considered myself
trans
since August '07, though I now believe that I have felt like a boy my
whole
life. Coming to terms with my transsexuality was definitely something
that I
was not expecting to be easy, and it wasn't. Being a
transsexual is one of those things where you think 'why me?' I mean
come...you
typically don't hear eight year old kids in school say 'When I grow up, I
want
to be a transsexual!' (usually because they don't know what the term
mean...now
that I think about it, if you had asked me when I was eight years old if
I
wanted to be a boy, I would have said yes). But anyways! I'm trans and
damn
proud of it.
Right now I'm in college, which is
difficult, not because of the location or the fact that I'm this
particular
college, but because I am not going to start transitioning until I
leave. That means three more years of waiting! Ahhhhhh!!!!! This is no
fun! I
want to be a boy now! But I do what I can. I legally changed my name in
August
2008, so at least I'm 'Steve' at school. I find that by integrating
little
things into my life (like wearing boys briefs, packing, or binding) I
can feel
more male without other people knowing about it. My parents know about
my need
to transition and they support me for the most part.. I am very lucky to
have a
supportive family and circle of friends. Coming out to them all over
again (I
considered myself a lesbian for three years prior to this) was not as
painful
as I thought it would be, though this time they were much more surprised
to
hear what I had to say!! I am very careful of whom I tell about my inner
feelings, and I think it is because of this that I have had only good
reactions
from people (but I know that I can not always have this kind of luck).
I am hoping to start transitioning as soon as I get out
of college. I can't wait to begin hormone treatment and get but I know
that is far off. And hey, the medical techniques
are getting better all the time, so I'll see what my options are when I
come to
that. I think it is very important for everyone to have a support
system and someone to talk to, both adult and young. When I first came
to terms
with my trans self, I had a very weak support system, mainly my fault,
and I felt very alone (my
girlfriend was pretty much all I had. Not that she isn't wonderful,
because she
is, but she was understandably unstable at that point because this was
new to
her, too, so it was not a firm foundation). Life can be rough, but it
does get better. - Steve,19